Being a partner of a sex worker and building a network for other partners
This is me with a good friend of mine, Daniel, on my wedding day. Had we met earlier he probably would have been my best-man. We met online after seeing each other respond to posts by partners of SWs on the subreddit, r/sexworkers. When we realized we both lived in Melbourne, we met up for drinks. It nearly never happened, I mean its not the most normal thing to meet a stranger from the internet in person, but we finally got there.
Anyway, we’ve both been with our partners for some time and our relationships are in good places, so you’re wrong if you think partners connecting with each other is just about having a cry about how jealous or insecure we are. Its more so about eliminating that elephant that stands in the room whenever you’re with your non-SW partnered friends.
Most just don’t get it. Amongst my friends, only one knows about my real job and my wife’s. He was the best-man at my wedding, lives in Melbourne so we see him and his partner often, and he’s gotten to know my wife very, very well. That made it a lot easier when we told him the truth. But I still feel like there’s an elephant in the room and I feel much more myself around Daniel.
My other friends live in Sydney. I hardly see them and they just don’t know my wife well enough. Lying sucks but I’ve lost friends and family before.
While my relationship is in a great place now, there was a teething period early on. When your partner is a SW, it's likely you won't have anyone to turn to with any of your relationship issues - other than your partner themselves because its also possible that they're the only person who knows you're dating a SW. That can be a huge burden on any relationship. In contrast, my wife has plenty of networks and contacts through the industry and beyond, so if she has a problem with me, I might not be the first to hear of it, if at all.
That’s the other reason why I’m pretty passionate about connecting with other partners. Now that I’ve moved past the teething stage I’m able to help anyone who might have gone through something similar, so that they can possibly end up as happy as me.
So how can we connect? If you’re in Melbourne let’s grab a drink at the end of March. If you’re anywhere else, you can join the anonymous discord chat group. Either way DM me.
Daniel and I also both volunteer for Scarlett Academy, which provides resources and support to partners of SWs. We are points of contact for any partners with questions. Here’s a link for anyone interested: www.scarlettacademy.com/partners-portal